.BANG | BANG.

27^th May 2012

Sunday // 12am // 6 days ago

Haven’t been on here in a while,

but I need to vent. I know people don’t exactly use tumblr to talk about all their personal problems. Most of the people I know just reblog photos or videos or check lists of what they want to do with a future partner…

My grandfather died on Thursday morning. It wasn’t very shocking as he had been receiving chemotherapy for a while but wasn’t taking care of himself properly. Plus, his kidneys were failing a bit less than a month ago. He came to America to get some better health care as he lived in Turkey. I think it’s safe to say that the American health care is 100x better.

Other than this going on, my little brother developed an eating disorder which would be known as Anorexia to many, but because he has Autism, it’s hard to determine whether he understands what is going on.

At any rate, my brother is getting thinner every day, and I sit home (like a mother) attempting to feed him every day of the week. I guess I’m a bit disappointed because this is the last summer of my undergraduate college years and I’ve been sitting in my house or gallivanting and trying to find foods from different restaurants that he might eat.

I think that most people do not understand my situation and would automatically like to assume that I live an awesome life because I typically walk around with a kick-ass attitude. Not to say that it’s bad, because believe me, it could be worse.

I need to find some new friends. I’d like to make this happen because all the old ones seemed to have skipped away from me and would prefer not being my friend. I approach this with the most positive attitude that I can, all the while saying “fuck these bitches anyway.” It’s just depressing knowing that all my good friends left me in the dust when I go through things like this. Nobody knows, nobody understands. But sometimes it’d be nice to call a friend who I can trust, go visit a friend who wants to be around me, or just be able to communicate through social media. I have few of these friends. I seem to have friends who talk negatively about me behind my back and then they kiss my fucking vagina lips because they have multiple personalities or something.

I’m glad I have an awesome boyfriend at least. He has been so nice to me and as understanding as possible. I am always so embarrassed to bring him to my house and have him here, mostly because I feel like he’ll leave me after seeing what I deal with.

I’m also glad I got an internship for the summer. I’m really moving up in the world and already know that I’m going to be very successful in only a few short upcoming years. None of these “friends” from my past will matter once I’m bringing in the $$ and living on my own.

I would like to thank any friends who have stuck by my side, haven’t doubted me, and have believed in my strength. Thank you to those who haven’t said negative and hurtful things about me. And most of all, thank you for not leaving me like the rest. I promise that when things are rough, I never leave people behind — I just don’t have time for everybody all of the time. If I leave you behind, I’ve found you were a worthless son of a bitch and I’d rather not have your negativity or shitty personality around to ruin my self esteem.

If anybody has actually read this, I thank you too.